Shameless

Depressed asshole
I’m sure you’ve heard this before
My art relies on heartbreak
What if I’m not anymore?
I’m sure you’re reading this title thinking “here we go again”
He only writes while in darkness
Well, hello my old friend

It’s been so long how are you keeping?
How’s the Fam?
It’s been awhile since you’ve been around
I took my happiness and ran
Now, here we are in this waiting room
I was gone a year and still feel like I’m back too soon
I know we’re both just playing our part
So if its time to get down to it, I guess I’ll start let’s see

I’m underpaid
Overworked
Just about to go berserk
Stomach grumbling, with All Eyes On Me
I’m about to snatch a purse
Use that cash to find an accomplice who will play his part
And the rest to buy automatic weapons from an American Wal-Mart
Mask Off in the winter season, ignore The Reason
Rob a bank with Hoobastank
Make it out before they find out I’m black  because-
They’ll shoot me before they lock me up…

So pour another drink into my Dixie cup:

Distance put the first strain on my relationship
On a part-time job I couldn’t afford to put gas in the whip

Trouble struck when the idea came up
To make a move
But I had networked in Toronto, I couldn’t fill those shoes
I couldn’t do that to you, new job, new city, and no family
I felt the weight of new stress coming down on me
What happens on a bad day when you look down on me?
That’s my fault, I guess that’s just how my brain works
I’m supposed to be a writer, but still fail to find the words

The final straw was being open to seeing others
With tight schedules it was hard for us to ever see each other
I’m feeling hopeful, like this could really last forever
But you messed up
In the only way that felt insurmountable
The worst part about it all?
I had to hold myself accountable
Believe me, I didn’t want to, but I had no choice
I needed to scream, but all the rage consumed my voice
You needed me to comfort you but there was so much doubt
I contemplated finding his address, and, casually burning his house
Thinking you got some nerve, soiling my skin
Then I sit back and laugh like I’m innocent from all sins
Pulling in some young buck
Who only got this far through dumb luck
I was prepared for that storm right before the lightning struck
I hurt you for two years straight
You’ve potentially hurt us forever
Having no excuse for why it happened
Didn’t make it any better

If you’re curious of how I’m dealing with this so-called loss
My answer? 24/7 streams of Bob Ross
No such thing as mistakes
Just happy little accidents
I swear I believe in monogamy
I just cant seem to practice it
Then it’s on to some Bourbon and Budden…
My heart hurts Superbad
I’m in need of a little Mclovin
I know, I’m carrying on,
And no I ain’t just frontin’
Look my bad,
It would feel better if  you were just getting back at me
When I finally let these tears fall
I’ll tell everyone “Oh just it’s allergies”
Till then I’ll let these words cry
And use the shades you bought me
To cover my eyes

So Darkness, mix some beer atop my liquor to kill the taste
Every last drop, lets not let anything go to waste
Of course this love is difficult
It was good before we broke it
But its worth learning from
Writing is how I cope with it

~ Jay
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“I’m not really sure what love is
I know what they say it is in Corinthians
Love is patient, love is kind, etcetera, etcetera
I’m just not sure I agree with all that bullshit
Love is relative to whomever it stems from
If the seed is weak how could the love be strong?
Maybe we should all just stop looking and let it come find us
How can love not be prideful when that’s all the giver of it knows?
Heh, how about I just don’t fuckin know?
Maybe we’ll all just keep fucking each other up
until somebody finally figures it out
Or we kill each other trying”

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About 50 shadesof jay

I figure I can browse for a home on the line, faster than i'll be able to buy one made of bricks.
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