End of Act I ( Credits )

I’m 1% sure this is a good idea.

This entry might never make it to my blog ( oh life; without internet ). This entry has no characters, stories, or pseudo undertones. This entry also happens to be my 50th post- should it ever be published. This is technically – in many regards, a milestone. Ironically, I hardly feel reason to celebrate.

I started this blog to give the web; maybe even more so myself, a look at who I am. This blog was supposed to showcase some of my talents, some of my thoughts behind life’s simplest to most profound topics. From intricate network of commands that cohesively work together to decision-make in our brains, to pondering what the next book I read should be. This blog however, has done much more than that. I’ve given my audience (even if at times that’s just me) an overview of what happens on the surface, and depths of my thoughts. Thoughts that I would normally quickly forget, or dismiss were instead recorded, nurtured, and brought to life through what I can now truly see as one of my purest forms of expression; writing. The combinations of words that flow together poetically in my writing… Combinations that would never form fifty times over, speaking out again, and again. There is something truly breath-taking about a human alone with his own thoughts. I feel this is one of the most important differences between us, and any other living creature on the planet.

I’ve been married to this blog for about six months now. Some days I’m great to her. Other days I can’t offer her more than three words. A similar helpless feeling that can sometimes be overwhelming in times like this. Alone in the dark, where you can be most vulnerable. Choked by insecurities, smothered by doubts, crushed by the weight of what feels like the entire world on your shoulders.

I don’t know where this blog will go from here… I hardly know my own direction. I do know, that in some moments, when the signs of light are abysmal. When white noise is overbearing, threatening to block you out of everything – even your own thoughts…

That there is nothing stronger than one’s desire.
That a 99% chance of failure…
Is also a 1% chance of success.

I thank all of you for playing your parts in The Actor Playing Me.

Next time: Act II

~Jay

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About 50 shadesof jay

I figure I can browse for a home on the line, faster than i'll be able to buy one made of bricks.
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