Childsitting 101

I’m 95% sure this is a good idea
Upon arrival at the daycare up the street, I’m aware that the next 40 minutes to an hour will be painstakingly dreadful. I love babies, but I’m not a fan of children. Mainly because they can talk and my neighbours kids are no exception. Being able to form a sentence has never been so irritating. After a stroll down the street in the dry Canadian winters, I’m informed about the the trips to the principals office the older one took after being ” intimidated” by the name-calling that went on for three days straight before he was forced to act in self defense. “you know the WWE move the das press?” He assures me the incident went down exactly like that. I recommend he hits the kid back, only to find out later that the poor kid mounted him and faked all his punches. Let’s hope he doesn’t take my advice.

I was given specific instructions to make sure they finished their spelling and reading homework, and under no circumstances let them play video games. My house is somewhat of a gold mine for the adolescence, stalked with wii’s, Xbox, ps3, and handhelds- but after about 5 minutes they were finished their work and the questions started to rain down…
” do you have a girlfriend?”
” what time is it?”
” can I have fruit loops?”
I just fed you guys…
” but we don’t get fed when we’re at home”
To which I reply, ” then maybe you should call child protective services”
… No response.
That’s when I brought out the oxford dictionary. Those of you who have me on snapchat, received my elaborate scheme to keep the little monsters occupied before I too got tired of quizzing them and through on the tv for them. So here’s a message to my future son/ daughter, you will be extremely precocious – enabling me to skip past the oxford dictionary and go straight to something more amusing .. Like Archie comics, and you will certainly not watch tv for children… The undertones in these shows are sadistic, even for me.
~ Jay

About 50 shadesof jay

I figure I can browse for a home on the line, faster than i'll be able to buy one made of bricks.
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