“How I’m feeling, it doesn’t matter
Cause you know I’m okay”-
I kill the volume on the car speaker system, the wind is moving twice as fast as I am on this cold winter day. This is the ugly side of winter. Once the glamour and glitter of the snowflakes dissipate, when the snow has been here too long and rain has started to melt the snow to slush. Everything in this city is painted with a distasteful shade of grey as the sun gives us a few hours of vigor a day.
“The perfect gentlemen ” I whisper to myself, drawing one last string of tobacco down my windpipe and flicking it out the window. I know I shouldn’t have done what I did, but “love makes you do crazy things.” So they say.
She should be recovering from her little slip and fall any minute now, I left no traces in her apartment but I knew there was no escaping. Her husband turned into Horatio meats Sherlock Holmes on me once he realized his wife stopped coming home. Or maybe the fact that all of her hotel visits were being charged to his credit card. Travis and his very persuasive friends cornered me at a bar one night, luckily without Desiree in tow. I got a few shots in before I took an elbow to the back of the head which stumbled me into a right cross – then everything went black; or orange in this case. I hear suicidal thoughts are immanent in prison so I guess Im getting a head start.
Every squad car that passes sends me further and further down the hole of paranoia. I pull up to a red light, I can see the CN Tower from here… It’s been awhile since I visited.
I take a shot of whiskey while drivers behind me begin to channel their inner road rage. Some switch lanes and pass me, flipping me the bird in the process. I think back to the days my mother and I sat at this same light as she huffed and puffed her lungs away with the cigarettes she couldn’t put down. Cancer took her from me, Rex, my true companion since then had failed his most recent tests, he had a great life but even he was nearing the end of his life cycle, so was the charger for my laptop. I chuckle to myself and exhale. I toss the newspaper in my pocket out the window and crank the volume back up.
“They’re trying to take you away from me
Only over my dead body…”